Having a tendency to react or defend yourself when criticized or corrected is another barrier to listening. It's typically our default mechanism. No one likes to be judged or criticized. Especially when our motives are called into question.

Furthermore, often the people giving us unsolicited feedback are much too emotional or way over the top in what they are saying. In fact, perhaps 95% of their critique is exaggerated and teetering on the edge of ridiculous.

But here's a question we all should ask ourselves. Even if their pointed words are 95% wrong, will we hear the 5% we need to hear? Are we able to pause and name the energy behind their frustration or critique? What else is going on? Have other factors contributed to their skewed perspective? Can we listen calmly and possibly move them toward rethinking or even an apology by not reacting?

Taking time to respond rather than react is hard work. Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl once said, that, "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." So broaden the space so you can respond gracefully instead of quickly reacting. Absorb their frustration, criticism, and correction and learn from it. If nothing else, develop humility and fortitude in the face of injustice.

[Next week I want to look at one more barrier to listening—assumptions.]