Last time I talked about the importance of having tough conversations and reframing problems as mistakes. This time I want to discuss the context in which to have those conversations.

First, avoid having them on social media at all costs. Tough conversations should take place face-to-face. In fact, social media should seldom be used for argument, debate or solving problems. We’ve seen too many faceless conversations cycle out of control with name-calling, shaming, retaliating, and all other sorts of virtual brawling.

Second, find a neutral, private place to have your tough conversations. You don’t want to call someone into your corner office and have them feel like they’ve entered the lion’s lair or king’s throne room. The very appearance of having power over someone prevents fruitful conversation. You also don’t want an employee to feel embarrassed or exposed in front of their colleagues. So promise confidentially. If possible, get on eye level in an environment where trust can be built.

Third, try framing the issue in an encouraging way with positive outcomes. Rather than giving negative performance feedback, have a constructive conversation about personal growth and development. It might also help to imagine being in their shoes before you have the conversation. What are they currently experiencing or feeling? Are there outside factors contributing to the issue? Do you truly want them to succeed or are you more concerned about being right?

Fourth, be simple, clear, and direct. Don’t beat around the bush. Ask neutral, supportive questions: “I see that the project you’re working on is not moving forward. Please tell me about the challenges you’re facing.” Also, don’t express your feelings as if you are the victim: “I feel so bad about saying this,” or “This is really hard for me to talk to you about this.” Rather, be constructive and pose options for success—remember, everyone needs hope. One possible way of starting a conversation is: “This may be difficult for you to hear, but I believe we can work through this and come out better for it on the other side.”

If you go into a tough conversation expecting a positive outcome you’re much more likely to come out with one. Don’t assume you know another’s response. And don’t attempt to script beforehand what you will say, rather, prepare yourself mentally and emotionally, and then set up the right context or environment for a profitable conversation.

[Next week I’ll discuss some practical tips for dealing with problems in the workplace.]